Wherever You Go, There You Are

I've definitely decided that I'm not staying in this house over a year. The house is fine, and the landlord is coming around, but the neighborhood is way too noisy for me to actually work and thrive here. Plus, it's just depressing, with so many of my neighbors just sitting around on their porches all day doing absolutely nothing. They've just given up on life.

You'd think they would want to at least grow a garden or something, but no, they just sit around smoking pot and making fun of me when I got out to work in the yard. It's a mentality and way of life that makes me so sad for them that it's affecting my own attitude, so I'm not going to be here past this one-year lease. If I can possibly save enough money to leave sooner, and I can get my landlord to let me out of the lease, I'll leave sooner.

So since I'm not staying, I'm not going to be doing anything to the yard. I could plant vegetables, but what is the use? When I leave, the gardens I put in will just go to hell in a handbasket. Not many people around here take care of their yards, and I have only seen one tiny vegetable plot at one house. Nope, I'm just going to spend my time making money and finding a new place for next year.

I'm thinking of going back to Southwest Florida. I like Gainesville, but I came here to participate in certain organizations, and I'm finding that extremely difficult to do without a car. The bus system either doesn't go where they hold their meetings or the meetings are at inconvenient times, so being a part of them is rather pointless. All the meetings are held at night or on Sunday, when the buses don't run. I'm not physically able to walk or ride my bicycle that far, plus, I'm not doing either at night, so I may as well just forget that. I've already dropped out of Grow Gainesville, and can't even go to the General Assemblies for Occupy because they are after dark.

So maybe I was wrong to move here, but I thought that maybe I should give it another chance. Last time I lived here, I was in such bad shape financially that I couldn't enjoy the city at all, but this time is not much different. The client that I had counted on to provide income has no work now, and I'm back to struggling to make ends meet. I might as well be back in SW Florida.

It might just be the neighborhood that is getting me down, but I'm stuck here for now. I really thought I could make a go of this. I guess I was naive to think I could fit in here.

The world really does revolve around money, no matter what you try to tell yourself.  The less you have, the more miserable you are, no matter how much you try to look at the bright side of life. My optimism is being eroded by not having enough money to do anything more than survive. I've been in survival mode for so long, and I'm just sick of it. I've always been strong enough to fight through the hard times, but my strength is almost gone now, and I'm hanging on by a thread, and that thread is fraying.  

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