Things I Did Before the Internet Took Over My Life

I used to have a life. I had a job I went to 5 days a week. I came home from that job, got some supper, watched some t.v. or maybe read a book then went to bed. I did that on my work days, then on my days off I slept late, ate some breakfast, did my grocery and other shopping, and actually spent time with my kids, family and friends.

In short, I had the normal American life. Then someone introduced me to the internet. ISP's were slow back then, but they were free. My first ISP was Freewwwebs, which was unlimited 28K internet, 24/7. They went bankrupt, and sold out to Juno, which was $5 a month for unlimited internet 24/7. They sold out to NetZero, which was by then 56K internet for $10 a month, but even though it said it was unlimited, it wasn't. My life became about forums and groups and making friends online.

I still went to work, came home, ate supper and watched t.v., but more and more, I was online. My friends started complaining they could not get through to me on the phone, so I got DSL. It was awesome! I think it was like 1.5 mbps (that's megabits, not Megabytes). I thought it rocked! I spent even more time online, and my friends stopped calling. I didn't care. I got into making siggies with Paint Shop Pro and sharing graphics. I created graphics groups on MSN and graphics sites on Geocities and Google Pages. I was on gardening forums trading seeds and plants. I was perfectly happy with my life.

Then 2008 came and I lost my job. By then, the internet was all I had. Most of my friends had given up on me, all but my online friends, of course. I discovered freelance article writing online and it became my job, and pretty much my social life. I joined Twitter and Facebook and had hundreds of friends and followers all over the world. My life sucked, but I was so lost online I didn't realize it.

Over the next three years, I lost my car and my house. My writing online was not so much fun anymore. I didn't do enough of it, because I was having too much fun on social networks and the forums associated with my writing sites. Somewhere along the line I discovered Freecycle and started collecting other people's junk. My life moved almost completely online.

And what about now? When my internet goes down for more than 10 minutes, I totally freak out. What if I lose connectivity? How will I make money? How will I survive? It's really quite frightening.

I'm totally wired in. My livelihood, my transportation schedules, my access to useful information is all online. I remember not long ago sitting on a help line for the cable company hearing this robotic voice tell me I could find help on their website.  

WTF? If I had service, would I be on the phone trying to talk to you? How stupid is that message? 

So now, I don't know how to actually get a real life again. I can't go back to working 8 hours a day, because my job doesn't work that way. I don't really know how to make friends offline anymore, and nobody seems to be interested in just hanging out or going shopping or whatever. To make it worse, I'm way behind the times technologically. I have no smartphone, yet people want to text me all the time and look at me like I'm crazy when I say I don't text.

I think I'm losing myself. I feel like Dr. Will Caster in Transcendence, like my entire being is delineated in ones and zeros. I look like a real person, but I'm really something created in a computer.

I want to go back to a more normal life, but if I do, what will happen to these blogs, and how will I keep in touch with my friends -- oh wait -- I don't know those people in real life. I guess what's hardest to accept is that all those online friends will just move on to other online friends. But really, why should I care? Because they are real people, and it may hurt them if I just disappear. Oh wait -- they'll just go find other online friends.

I've seriously thought about not having internet at home after I move. I could buy a bus pass and go to the library every day and work there for free. I'd probably get a lot more done. Then I could come home and do real things, like reading and crafting and actually talking to my kids on the phone instead of texting and emailing them.

I could hand-write a journal, one of those things that genealogists love. OH! And I could do actual genealogical research at the library too! I used to love genealogy. I used to love gardening. I used to love crafts and sewing and crocheting.  

 I used to love so many things...

...until the internet consumed me. At first, it felt so freeing, so awesome to be able to talk to people a world away, but now it just feels like a prison sometimes. A huge electronic prison without bars, without locks, but without any chance of escape.

I really need to go think about this.