Wintertime Blues and More
I knew it would be colder here, but the utilities are way too expensive. I just got a $286 utility bill, $217 of which was electricity, most of that was the heater. I keep the heater on 68-70 and it has a 3-5 degree differential when it's really cold, so turning it up to 70 still only keeps the house at 65-68 degrees most of the time.
Now I'm keeping it on 60-65 and living in my bedroom with a small space heater, trying to keep from getting another humongous bill. It's been very cold lately, so I'm pretty uncomfortable -- and feeling very trapped.
It's clearer and clearer that I need to get out of here into some place better. Part of that electric bill is having to keep the a/c fan running in my bedroom to block out the loud rap music and people screaming outside. I've never lived anywhere this noisy before, and it isn't the neighborhood, it's just this street. I can't even use my front room, because nothing will block out the noise there. I was in that room when I first moved here and it almost drove me mad.
I promised myself I would be positive this year, but this situation has me in a really bad depression. I am so tired of moving and so tired of being trapped in one room. I'm tired of not being able to be at peace for even one day, because I'm always planning my next move. I'd give anything just to find a place to settle in and stay for awhile.
I'm going to try to make the best of the situation while I'm here. Cold snaps don't generally last very long -- this one has been longer than most -- and it starts to warm up just a bit in February. I'm going to plant some flowers and maybe a few veggies just to keep myself from being depressed until I can get out of here.
I'm trying to tame a feral kitten so I can take him with me when I go, but if I can't get him tamed, I will at least get him neutered, and try to get his mother neutered too so they won't have such a rough life. I'm feeding them, but no one will do that when I'm gone, which makes me sad. I only feed them a little once a day so they will still hunt when they are hungry.
I'm going to try to move earlier than August because #1 - August is a horrible time to move with the heat and #2 the sooner I get out of this house and this neighborhood, the better.
In the meantime, I need to work, and it's hard to do that when I'm depressed. Still, if I don't work, i don't move, so I'm going to force myself to do something even when I don't feel like it.
I wonder sometimes, though, if my life will ever get better, or if I am indeed cursed.
Now I'm keeping it on 60-65 and living in my bedroom with a small space heater, trying to keep from getting another humongous bill. It's been very cold lately, so I'm pretty uncomfortable -- and feeling very trapped.
It's clearer and clearer that I need to get out of here into some place better. Part of that electric bill is having to keep the a/c fan running in my bedroom to block out the loud rap music and people screaming outside. I've never lived anywhere this noisy before, and it isn't the neighborhood, it's just this street. I can't even use my front room, because nothing will block out the noise there. I was in that room when I first moved here and it almost drove me mad.
I promised myself I would be positive this year, but this situation has me in a really bad depression. I am so tired of moving and so tired of being trapped in one room. I'm tired of not being able to be at peace for even one day, because I'm always planning my next move. I'd give anything just to find a place to settle in and stay for awhile.
I'm going to try to make the best of the situation while I'm here. Cold snaps don't generally last very long -- this one has been longer than most -- and it starts to warm up just a bit in February. I'm going to plant some flowers and maybe a few veggies just to keep myself from being depressed until I can get out of here.
I'm trying to tame a feral kitten so I can take him with me when I go, but if I can't get him tamed, I will at least get him neutered, and try to get his mother neutered too so they won't have such a rough life. I'm feeding them, but no one will do that when I'm gone, which makes me sad. I only feed them a little once a day so they will still hunt when they are hungry.
I'm going to try to move earlier than August because #1 - August is a horrible time to move with the heat and #2 the sooner I get out of this house and this neighborhood, the better.
In the meantime, I need to work, and it's hard to do that when I'm depressed. Still, if I don't work, i don't move, so I'm going to force myself to do something even when I don't feel like it.
I wonder sometimes, though, if my life will ever get better, or if I am indeed cursed.
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