Making My Apartment Livable Still on Hold and Other Frustrations
I'm depressed and my life is one big frustration. I have no time, I have no money, I have no patience left. I really love this apartment, and want it to be beautiful, but that can't start until after my trip in June. The trip is even more important now, because my older son has said he probably can't go, so I'm
the only person who will be there for my younger son. I can't let him down, even if I have to sell everything I own and start over to get there. He's worth anything I have to do.
Getting things done for the trip isn't going well either. I still haven't gotten a dentist's appointment, because I haven't had time to take a break from making money to pay bills so that I can get to the clinic, plus I have no money to pay them, so it's pointless, really. I have to go, I know that, but it seems there is always some huge bill looming in front of me that has to be paid, so I just work. I guess I'm just going to have to DO IT and worry about bills later.
My earnings are not where I want them to be either -- nowhere close. I had a plan, but physical problems have destroyed that. I simply cannot work 10 hour days without totally destroying my health and ending up in the hospital. I tried changing my schedule to get up and stay up at 5 a.m., but I simply cannot write at that hour, so I went back to getting up to grab work and going back to sleep.
Then there is the garden. I really have to make time to do a few things out there. It's all that keeps me sane. I am trying to make it all easier to care for, but I simply cannot give it up. I do a few small things every morning and am getting way far behind on it. The garden will still be there when the trip is over, so I could put it off another year, but DAMN IT - I'm so sick of having to postpone my life for another month, another season, another freaking year! I'm not getting any younger or any healthier.
O.K., rant over. I have no control over any of this, it seems, so I just have to push through and do what I can, because seeing my son graduate is the most important thing right now. After that, I can plan for everything else.
the only person who will be there for my younger son. I can't let him down, even if I have to sell everything I own and start over to get there. He's worth anything I have to do.
Getting things done for the trip isn't going well either. I still haven't gotten a dentist's appointment, because I haven't had time to take a break from making money to pay bills so that I can get to the clinic, plus I have no money to pay them, so it's pointless, really. I have to go, I know that, but it seems there is always some huge bill looming in front of me that has to be paid, so I just work. I guess I'm just going to have to DO IT and worry about bills later.
My earnings are not where I want them to be either -- nowhere close. I had a plan, but physical problems have destroyed that. I simply cannot work 10 hour days without totally destroying my health and ending up in the hospital. I tried changing my schedule to get up and stay up at 5 a.m., but I simply cannot write at that hour, so I went back to getting up to grab work and going back to sleep.
Then there is the garden. I really have to make time to do a few things out there. It's all that keeps me sane. I am trying to make it all easier to care for, but I simply cannot give it up. I do a few small things every morning and am getting way far behind on it. The garden will still be there when the trip is over, so I could put it off another year, but DAMN IT - I'm so sick of having to postpone my life for another month, another season, another freaking year! I'm not getting any younger or any healthier.
O.K., rant over. I have no control over any of this, it seems, so I just have to push through and do what I can, because seeing my son graduate is the most important thing right now. After that, I can plan for everything else.
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